Its April 2nd now, and I completely missed the chance to blog on April Fool's day, when I could have made up some silly story. With that being said, whatever im saying is true. These few days have been difficult on me. Firstly, is the final confirmation of the disbanding of the RI throws team. Mr Quek called Jim, Melvin and I to his office and just told that to us. (he forgot ChenWei) He said that we should have already expected it and asked us about our plans. He also told us it would be the best to stay in TNF, but to try out other events like the sprints, jumps, cross-country or pole vault for Melvin. That is so sad. I have actually been told of this a few times before, the earliest being a few months ago, but it hadnt been finalised then, and so I was hoping for the best, and now, look what happened. The truth just hurts, but it seems our throws team just isnt good enought to be even just a small section in our RI TNF and has to be disposed of. I can understand if the school doesnt want to pay for the coach and stuff, but why disband the whole section? Its ruining me. I have spent 2 1/4 years in this section, and now I am being forced to switch? Even though I attend the trainings consistently and frequently? Now what am I supposed to do? See all these done as just physical training? See all these as a waste of time? See all these as part of my school curriculum? I am lost. Completely lost. In sec 1, I chose to be in throws because I found it different from the others and fun. In sec 2, I faced lots of difficulties and also nearly gave up on this CCA, but I perservered, even when all the others were leaving me for good. (and likely a better future) I chose to stay, even when Im all alone. I did. And now, what did I get? The 2 1/4 years of perserverance and hard work has become 2 1/4 years of pain and regret. It really seems to me like that. I dont want to feel this way, that all these time and effort has been wasted, but I feel...so betrayed. My school can give up on me, just like that, when all the time I have been there, striving for the best, even if its in vain? Yes, to them they have 'minimised the damage' by letting the sec 4s stay for their last year. But what about me? Have they minimised the damage done to me? The last few weeks or so, I have seen some news reporting that school are becoming more like businesses- they close down whatever that doesnt produce the results they want. And that has drawn flak to schools. But reading about them, I could never make myself believe that I myself would have to be put through such an experience, of forced change. I admit im not performing well in this area of sports, I dont get any medal or in fact even the top 20 or so, but that doesnt make it less hurtful to me. It now looks like my schooling life is destined to be filled with changes in CCA. In primary school, I was in Scouts, Basketball, Maths Club and the NExIT Club (an IT and National Education club). Considering the cons of changing CCAs so much, I was determined to find for myself a CCA in which I would give it my all and stay in for the next four years in Secondary School. Thus I joined TNF's throws team. I rememberd that I joined just in the second year of throws, when I was in sec 1. Throws was a special section to me. It was unique and young, and so that also caused some differenciation between us and them. (the older sprints and jumps teams) Following my seniors, with a few peers with me. It was sort of a small family, with roughly 7 regular members. We depended only on each other for support, and helped each other in whatever way possible. This really brings back lots of memories, which are going to be lost. Like the time I got a serious leg cramp together with LiYuan after training, and we collapsed on to the track together, the countless times Martin corrected my techniques, it is him that has helped me gain the ability to catch techniques well. The times Martin brought us through tough trainings, and the times we just laughed and have fun after trainings. There are many things I have given up for an experience like this, and those are the things that really make me envy other CCAs. TNF is mostly NOT a team sport to me, and very little strong bonds can be formed, but for most of the other CCAs, it is pretty much a team effort, regardless of whether its the UGs or the Musical Groups, or some sports like hockey or softball. I believe it is in those situations that true friendships and bonds can be forged. Oh how I envy them.

I would have continued writing whatever that comes to mind. If not for my head slumping down from time to time. But at least, now you know why I really treasure any friends I might have. And learnt much more about my life.

(the time for this post is wrong, supposed to be about 2am)